My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
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We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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