Yo dont text me then not text me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
