Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
