He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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