This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
