Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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