I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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