please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
