apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
