butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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