I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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