I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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