Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
