i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
