I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
