eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
