Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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