she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
