his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
