I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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