hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
