Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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