you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
