why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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