Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
