You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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