At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so let's talk penis.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
