I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
