we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He has the fingertips of a God
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
