who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You don't make any sense
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