i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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