wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
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Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
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So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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