I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
