I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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