There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
