Apparently you make a good broom.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
