WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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