Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You took a bar mat shot.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
