i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
