Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
