His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
