My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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