You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
