My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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