If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
