Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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