whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
