Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
