i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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