i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
