I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
