Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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