I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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