I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
