I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
