i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
