just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
