i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
