Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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