I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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