I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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