Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
