If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
