I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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