Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my shit smells like andre
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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