FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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