whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
