Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
