I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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