In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
