I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
