Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
