can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize