I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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