I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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