At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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