new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
