That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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