bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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