this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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