I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
