i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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