i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
